The Sporting Life:
The Public Professor’s
Saturday Sports Column
This is the height of thoroughbred horse racing season. It is known as the Sport of Kings, and with good reason. Who else but royalty could afford to pony up the wads of cash needed to have this particular stallion mate with that particular mare? The dinner and drinks alone would bankrupt a commoner. But alas, if only it were the Sport of Professors . . . I’d get me a big, brown beast, a good seventeen hands high, with some white socks perhaps. And of course I’d race him. But win or lose, the most fun of all would come in the naming. With a liberal interpretation of the official 18 letters-long rule, here are some possibilities
:
For the Horse that Disappoints
ExpensiveGlue
TreadmillCharlie
4LegsAndFlies
ColtCantCutit
ItchinToShow
AlpoSupreme
HorseInAHearse
AppaloosaAppetizer
NagNagNag
ElmersSecretRecipe
For the Horse that Does Whatever it Takes
SaddleUpAndRoid
AngryBaldAndPimpled
ThorouHGHbred
PhonyPony
LasixRacix
McGuireSosaBonds
For the Horse with an Eye on Retirement
ClarkGableOfTheStable
WinnerOfTheFreakness
HungLikeaMe
LovesDirtyNightMares
StudlyDudleyMore
TheQuarterPole
HorseyLovesDoggie
InFeetNotInches
Horsanova
WhipMeMamaWhipMe
TheFillyFiller
HughHoofner
MudderFudder
RonJeremysHorse